Matters Of Dè Heart

*Will Marriage Solve All Your Problems?* God created love and has placed the desire to be loved unconditionally in each of our hearts . Marriage is a natural overflow of that desire.  Yet within this scared and natural pursuit of marriage. It's easy to fall into the lie that finding a spouse will be the ultimate road to happiness and great satisfaction. That all problems , fears , and deficit will fade away in the presence of true love . it's isn't true in the world of marriage. No perfect marriage , relying on your partner to fulfill your insatiable needs is a recipe for disaster because no human being has the capacity to offer you what is needed for true value and self worth. *Don't marry for the following reasons or you will blame yourself.* ✓ Don't marry because for sex you won't be satisfied, if you have high sexual it's better to go for therapy than to think Marriage is the solution. ✓ Don't marry because everyone is getting married, marry be...

TOPIC:  * WHEN MARRIAGE GETS HARD 3 * BIBLE REF: Psalms 51:10, 2Corinthians 10:5, James 1:19 _ If it is not a habit of building each other up in your marriage and you want to make that transition in your relationship, the best place to start is in prayer. _   * As you pray for your marriage and ask for God's blessings in your marriage, you will find your spirit soften to your spouse. Asking God to create in you a pure heart like David did in the Psalms, along with a steadfast spirit, will give you the foundation to begin seeing your spouse through God's eyes of love, grace and kindness. * Meditate on the good things God has done in your spouse's life and as you do, your prayers will begin to be directed toward those things. As a result, God will work in your marriage to bring about more good things in that way. Cast down any thought of negativity before Satan has an opportunity to create a stronghold and division in your mind with it (2 Corinthians 10:5). _ You can begin by...

TOPIC:  * WHEN MARRIAGE GETS HARD 2 * BIBLE REF: Proverbs 25:24, 27:15 _ Rather than focusing on the faults of your spouse, focus on what he or she does well. Let your words reflect an awareness of their strengths, gifts and contributions to your relationship and home. _ * You’ll be amazed at how your spouse will seek to do even more positive things in your presence when you point out the good, and not the bad. Affirmation goes a long way toward creating an atmosphere of acceptance and mutual affection. * And if giving the benefit of the doubt isn’t the way you naturally roll, you may want to consider how many faults you’ve brought to the table as well.  * Showing grace to each other in your marriage relationship rests on the foundational truth that marriage is comprised of two imperfect people seeking to live in harmony and grace. Faults abound, yes. In everyone. But they do not need to dominate your thoughts, conversations or influence your actions. *  If the fault is a...

TOPIC: * WHEN MARRIAGE GETS HARD 1 * BIBLE REF: Proverbs 19:11 _ A person’s wisdom yields patience; it is to one’s glory to overlook an offense. Proverbs 19:11 _ An elderly grandmother went to lunch with her granddaughter who was about to get married. The granddaughter had always admired her grandparents’ marriage. She wanted to remain married for over fifty years just like they did. Thus, she took this opportunity to glean some wisdom from her grandma about how to keep a marriage strong. * “Grandma,” she asked. “What did you do in order to have such a long and satisfying marriage?” * _ “Oh it’s simple,” her grandma replied without hesitation. “When I got married I decided to list ten of your granddad’s faults which, for the sake of our marriage, I would choose to overlook.” _ * “You did?” the soon-to-be-bride asked. * “What are some of them?” she continued, looking for an example to help her choose herself. “I don’t know,” her grandma responded. “I actually never did list them...

TOPIC: 10 CHOICES SUCCESSFUL COUPLES MAKE 6 BIBLE REF: John 8:32, 1John 1:8, 3:18  Choose to Challenge Unspoken Truths  Some of the most insidious and destructive elements of a marriage are the assumptions spouses make about each other. Assumptions are sometimes based on previous experiences that have been interpreted and at other times are based on minimal factual information. They are beliefs that have been adopted that later become a part of the reality of the relationship. The problem with assumptions is that they become what I call “ unspoken truths.”These are assumptions, which may or may not be true, that are accepted as truth in a marriage. Once accepted, partners give up trying to change these beliefs. These “unspoken truths” form the basis for how spouses act toward each other and drive much of what happens in the relationship. *Once spouses begin to accept these beliefs as givens in the relationship, they become the building blocks for their understanding of each ot...

TOPIC: 10 CHOICES SUCCESSFUL COUPLES MAKE 4 BIBLE REF: Matthew 18:21-22, Ephesians 4:22, Colossians 3:13 Choose to Forgive Because of the necessity to forgive one another in any relationship we have, we are going to spell out what forgiveness looks like. There are four steps that couples need to learn in order to forgive. They are essential elements in the developmental process of forgiveness. An authentic apology is the first step in the process of forgiveness and involves trying to understand why you offended the other person.* It also involves making a real effort to prevent it from happening again. Making a sincere apology is an ongoing process that requires commitment and follow-through. But I caution you from apologizing when you don’t mean it*. Apologize only when you mean it—when you believe that what you did was wrong and you want to put in the work to prevent doing it again. Second, the process of forgiveness involves repentance. You have to show your partner that you are tru...

TOPIC: * 10 CHOICES SUCCESSFUL COUPLES MAKE 1 * BIBLE REF: Isaiah 43:19,25, Romans 12:16-21 * Marriage Is About Choice * _ The big idea behind the transformation of your marriage is that you can make choices in key areas to heal it. _ You are in control of the conflicts that occur in your relationship. Conflict, in and of itself, is not a bad thing. What is important is how we deal with it. Conflicts will happen, but fights don’t have to. You can make different choices. * The first major choice both of you must make is to stop doing what has not worked in your relationship so far. * Before you say this is oversimplifying marriage, think about it. Isn’t stopping what you’re doing wrong the exact place where you have to start? * You have to learn what doesn’t work in your relationship and make a clear choice not to do that anymore * . That is the one and only way you can make space to try new ways of handling problems. * The second choice to make is deciding if you are willing to w...

TOPIC: 10 CHOICES SUCCESSFUL COUPLES MAKE 1 BIBLE REF: Isaiah 43:19,25, Romans 12:16-21 Marriage Is About Choice The big idea behind the transformation of your marriage is that you can make choices in key areas to heal it._ You are in control of the conflicts that occur in your relationship. Conflict, in and of itself, is not a bad thing. What is important is how we deal with it. Conflicts will happen, but fights don’t have to. You can make different choices . The first major choice both of you must make is to stop doing what has not worked in your relationship so far. Before you say this is oversimplifying marriage, think about it. Isn’t stopping what you’re doing wrong the exact place where you have to start? You have to learn what doesn’t work in your relationship and make a clear choice not to do that anymore . That is the one and only way you can make space to try new ways of handling problems.  The second choice to make is deciding if you are willing to work together as teamm...

TOPIC: BULLETPROOF MARRIAGE: (INVITE GOD INTO YOUR MARRIAGE & MAKE IT BULLETPROOF) 7 BIBLE REF: Ephesians 5:20 *Grateful for Each Other* It is too easy to take for granted what you have in life and then find yourself riddled with envy, resentment, and discontentment. But what if you were to live from a place of gratitude? * Gratitude is the antidote to envy, resentment, and discontentment; it tames the desire for more and leads to a content heart. * Gratitude creates space for peace in your marriage, but it will also help you see the best in each other.   Treating your spouse with gratitude means recognizing your life would be lacking without them and the tremendous blessings they provide . * You were created for each other and to help each other through this life—not simply to survive but to thrive.* When practiced daily, gratitude can yield healthy benefits and nurture a lasting and meaningful marriage . Count your blessings! Even in the midst of a fight, you can still be gra...

 TOPIC: * TOP 9 RELATIONSHIP STAGES that all couples must experience * Are you in a new relationship? Or are you in a seasoned relationship with someone you’ve been with for several years? It doesn’t matter how long your relationship has lasted, because all the relationships will fit snugly in one of these relationship stages. Find your own relationship stage here, and it’ll definitely help you understand your own love life better. * Stage 1: The infatuation stage. * This is the first stage in every relationship. It almost always starts with an intense attraction and an uncontrollable urge to be with each other. Both of you may be intensely sexually attracted to each other, or both of you may just love the cuddles and each other’s company. In this stage, both of you overlook any flaws of each other and only focus on the good sides. * Stage 2: The understanding stage. * In this stage, both of you start getting to know each other better. You have long conversations with your p...

TOPIC: BULLETPROOF MARRIAGE: (INVITE GOD INTO YOUR MARRIAGE & MAKE IT BULLETPROOF) 5 BIBLE REF: James 5:16 Becoming One Couples used to enter marriage with an absolute resolve to be married to each other until death. * Now, many couples list reasons why they will abandon the relationship before they ever begin!* - _The moment you begin listing reasons why you'll leave the marriage is the moment you start punching holes in it_ . Stop giving yourself an excuse for a way out and start pursuing the Father together through prayer! * The only hope for a successful marriage is a joint effort and a relentless determination to make your marriage the best it can be. * Do the work, do the right things, and avoid the temptation to criticize your spouse; these are the checkpoints on the marital road map to success. The ultimate key for the success of your marriage is for you to consistently pursue God together and to do so daily. Life will get busy, and stress will become overwhelming at ti...

TOPIC: BULLETPROOF MARRIAGE: (INVITE GOD INTO YOUR MARRIAGE & MAKE IT BULLETPROOF) 4 BIBLE REF: Matthew 18:19-20 Pray Before Engaging A moment of conflict can be a great opportunity for us to experience the presence of God and see His grace amplified and alive. _ Matthew 18:19–20, in context, refers to dealing with discipline in the church. When Jesus said, “Where two or three gather,” He was implying large audiences and large crowds were unnecessary to experience His presence._ When you attempt to navigate conflict with your own understanding, it is impossible to please God and find a viable end to the issue. * When you pray together before addressing conflict, you submit your own desires and will to God’s purpose and plan for your marriage .* You also align your heart and mind to be sensitive to the leading of the Holy Spirit. Ask God for His direction, wisdom, and leading through conflict. It doesn’t matter what the conflict is about, you should always proceed with prudence and...

TOPIC: BULLETPROOF MARRIAGE: (INVITE GOD INTO YOUR MARRIAGE & MAKE IT BULLETPROOF ) 3* BIBLE REF: Colossians 4:6 The Tone of Love A sheepdog holds the line, stands guard, confronts evil, and battles against the vilest enemies of society. These stressors often translate into a tone that resembles the verbal commands on the battlefield. Think about the power of words. The same applies to the tone in which you deliver them. How effective would your verbal commands be toward an adversary if you gave those commands like you were reading a bedtime story?  * The tone of your voice has the power to either bless or devastate your marriage. You know the power of command, but when communicating with your spouse, command is best shown by making your spouse a priority in every way*. This will not come easily, my warrior brothers and sisters, and it will require intentional, daily effort. * Friends talk to each other with respect and admiration, and before you were ever spouses or lovers, y...