RELATIONSHIP GIST AND MARRIAGE COUNSELS!
SERIES ONE, EPISODE ONE
101 Healthy keys to BUILD a long & lasting RELATIONSHIP!
Written by: Nicholas Gabriel
Recomposed by: Okorie God'swill
INTRO
Dating and marriage is different than it was twenty years ago. In today’s society, more than 50% of all marriages fail for one reason or another. Just thinking about that makes “commitment” seems scary. It seems that when relationships are faced with challenges, people quit trying.
Dating is more like a marathon, trying to date as many people as possible, instead of taking time to get to know someone at a deeper level.
For married couples, divorce is not biased. Whether married for thirty years or eight months, the outcome can be the same.
The fact is that relationships, whether dating or married, are hard. Things do not always go perfectly, fighting does occur, and it takes a 100% commitment from both parties to make it a success.
Often when people break off a relationship, they feel as though something is missing. The “spark” has gone, leaving one or both people feeling inadequate and unfulfilled.
However, even though the odds are not very good, healthy, and long-lasting relationships are definitely possible and proven by many people.
Look at Paul Newman and Joanne Woodard, Danny Devito and Rhea Perlman, or Nancy and Ronald Regan. What secrets do they possess? The answer is that they all work hard at their relationship.
They made a decision of choosing to love their mate rather than relying on the “warm and fuzzy” feelings, which everyone knows will fade. By making love a choice you are making a decision that even in the bad times, you stick it out.
Think of it like choosing a car. You pick out the make, model, year, color, and features that you believe are best for you. After driving your car for a couple of months, you realize that perhaps you should have purchased a larger car, or that maybe the leather seats would have been better, or on hot sunny days, the sunroof would have been nice.
However, it is now too late so you choose to keep your car and make it work. It is the same for marriage. Not everything will be perfect and there will be major obstacles to overcome but you have made your decision and now you choose to make it work.
There are hundreds of things you can do to better your relationship. To help get you headed in the right direction, am happy to share on this platform these 101 Ways to build, strengthen, and enhance your relationship, this teaching will be in series so ensure to stay tuned to this website to read up each series.
Remember, little steps taken everyday will add up to big successes.
Join me as we look into these tips one after the other.
KEY 1️⃣
START OVER AGAIN
When couples first get together, everything is new and exciting. They overlook the little annoying things the other person does.
However, after time, the nagging starts, instead of hearing, “You look beautiful,” they might hear “Why are you wearing that shirt?” If this sounds like your relationship, first, the two of you need to sit down and be honest that things have changed. Identify the things each other did in the beginning of the relationship that created the attraction in the first place.
Then together, make a commitment to start over again. The truth is, both of you will have to work on this. It will not automatically be easy but it is possible. Start by forgiving each other, forgetting the past, and then start over again with the flirtation.
Focus only on the special things your mate does and relearn to put the unimportant things aside. It will take some time so be patient.
KEY 2️⃣
SCHEDULE/SPEND QUALITY TIME TOGETHER
Spending quality time together is crucial. This time can be with friends, dining out, attending a sporting event, or cuddling together while watching a favorite movie. The activity is not what is important but the fact that you are together, doing something that you both enjoy.
People have extremely busy schedules and between work, family, the home, errands, and everything else going on, finding time for your mate can be difficult. Just as you would schedule a meeting on your calendar, show some courtesy in the relationship by scheduling time for each other.
Once the plan is in place, no backing out unless you have some life and death emergency.
KEY 3️⃣
THE POWER OF TOUCH
When a child is ill, doctors will tell you that it is proven that a simple, loving touch of a parent can quickly pull the child through a crisis. It is the same for relationships.
Playing with your partner’s hair, rubbing their hand, a soft kiss on the neck, a soft pat on the leg or giving a gentle back rub will make a huge difference in how your mate responds to you.
When was the last time you walked up to your mate for no reason and without saying a word, affectionately placed a kiss on their neck?
This is not in a sexual way, but an affectionate way. There is a difference.
The next time the two of you are sitting in the car, at the grocery story, or standing in line at the theater, quietly reach over and take their hand. Do not be surprised if you get a strange look of curiosity the first time!.
KEY 4️⃣
SURPRISE EACH OTHER
If you and your mate have scheduled some time for a Friday night dinner, put together a surprise instead.
For example, if your partner loves professional wrestling, buy some tickets near the front or if they like concerts, purchase the tickets ahead of time, getting the best seats possible. When Friday night comes around, insist on driving and head toward the location where the event is taking place.
When asked where you are going, simply answer, “I have a surprise for you.
I know you love professional wrestling so I purchased two great seats for tonight’s performance,” or “I know we had planned on going to dinner, but I wanted to surprise you with something special.
I purchased tickets to see one of your favorite groups in concert.” The idea of you getting the tickets for something THEY like and then keeping it as a special surprise will touch the heart!
KEY 5️⃣
GIVE YOURSELVES SOME SPACE
As important as it is to spend quality time together, it is equally important to give each other time to do something they like. If your mate loves to fish but you have no desire to bait a hook with little, slimy worms, or if you like to go to the casino but your partner would rather do something different, encourage each other to take time apart. Try establishing a set time for this very purpose, if possible. For example, perhaps you could determine that every other Friday night is “singles” night.
This is not a time to date other people, but to enjoy your preferred activities. Remember that you have to place trust in your relationship. If you try this and then drill them, to see what they did, whom they were with, and where they went, then the exercise has failed. Sometimes your partner might need space when she's pregnant, sick, troubled or facing one challenges or the other, you must learn to approach the situation with understanding & wisdom.
KEY 6️⃣
AVOID UNNECESSARY DEBATES
If you know that you and your partner have proven differences in opinion on certain subjects, avoid those subjects.
For example, if you are a politician and your partner is not, politics talk should probably be avoided. As the two of you identify new topics that could cause a debate session, stop the conversation before it even gets started. It is okay to debate on matters concerning your home, but such matters must not be to the detriment or falling apart of your relationship/marriage. Take serious caution on this.!
KEY 7️⃣
PROPER COMMUNICATION
When couples are having problems in a relationship, communication is the first thing to stop. It is often easier to just be quiet than to get mad. When rebuilding relationships, just as communication was the first to stop, it now needs to be the first to start. This will require that both individuals let down their guard and pretty much throw caution to the wind. Healing in the relationship cannot start until you talk!
Make an agreement that you will talk about ANYTHING and EVERYTHING and that you will listen, really listen. That does not mean that you will agree with everything, which is perfectly fine.
However, if you do not agree, do not yell, rather, the two of you need to calmly discuss the issue and together, work out a solution. This is hard work but within a very short time, you will both feel much better, individually and as a couple.
KEY 8️⃣
BE PASSIONATE WITH EACH OTHER
Intimacy and passion in relationships is not only important but also healthy.
Couples need to enjoy being together in an intimate way. When relationships are troubled, the last thing either person wants is to be sexual or passionate with each other. However, this is a part of the healing and rebuilding of the relationship and although it might be awkward in the beginning, but it is crucial.
Make your intimate time together special. Surprise your partner with a warm bubble bath, lighted candles, soft music, a gentle & romantic massage and a bottle of wine, or reserve a nice romantic evening at a local hotel to include a wonderful candlelit dinner, fine wine, and a beautiful room.
KEY 9️⃣
DINNER TOGETHER/TIME OUT
Start a new tradition of hosting a dinner party every other month or two and inviting several of you and your partners friends.
Set up board games that everyone will enjoy, have some light and lively music playing, and plan to have a blast.
Spending time with friends in this kind of setting is a great way to reduce stress.
KEY 🔟
FILTER YOUR TALK
If you are married, especially with children, break out of the habit of talking about nothing. Many times, families will be sitting around the dinner table and the conversation consists of, “Do you like your carrots?”, or “I wonder what is on TV tonight?” Instead, change your strategy to include real questions, showing real interest.
- Replace the normal, “Did you have a good day at work?” with “Tell me what you did at work today.” Even if you do not understand everything being said, listen with interest. It is not that you are so much interested in the work, but your partners life.
KEY 1️⃣1️⃣
RE-ESTABLISH OLD TRADITIONS
If you and your partner had a tradition of some kind when you first got together, dust it off and breathe life back into it. Perhaps you met after work on Friday at the local pub for a drink, washed your cars together every Saturday morning, or attended church together on Sunday. Whatever it was, re- establish that tradition, this act goes a long way to rekindle romance in relationships.
KEY 1️⃣2️⃣
BE UNPREDICTABLE
If asking couples the factors involved in the demise of their relationship, one of the common responses is that everything in the relationship is so predictable.
When rebuilding a relationship, do not be afraid of letting go of boredom. If you normally hate the fact that Saturday afternoons consist of your partner sitting for hours watching football, fix some finger sandwiches and something cool to drink and go join them on the couch, or if your partner spends hours in the garden trying to make things look perfect, surprise them with a new flowering plant, and then help to plant it.
When taking a walk with your partner, stop and give them a soft kiss, say, “I love you,” and then keep walking. Take some chances and do the unexpected with each other.
KEY 1️⃣3️⃣
LIGHTEN UP
Often when couples have gone through or are going through some bumpy spots in their relationship, things tend to get serious. It could be that there is a tremendous amount of tension or perhaps they are not sure what to say. Regardless of the reason, learn to lighten up. Do not take every comment, glance, or movement as a serious problem.
If your partner makes a mistake, which you both will, let it go, or if appropriate, laugh about it. If you make a mistake, do not be afraid to poke fun at yourself. This will automatically start the process of tension breaking.
KEY 1️⃣4️⃣
CELEBRATE WITH EACH OTHER
As people grow older, in general, birthdays, wedding anniversary, promotion etc become less celebrated.
Gifts are quickly given, meals eaten, and it is over. For your partners next birthday or anything worth celebrating, take some time to plan something very special. Make this a true celebration of their life as a way of showing your love and appreciation.
- Every person, even adults, like attention and love to be appreciated. Whether a surprise party or not, your partner will be impressed that you went to all the effort just for them.
KEY 1️⃣5️⃣
SECRET GETAWAY
Plan a nice weekend getaway to some place off the beaten track where you can enjoy some privacy. A quaint cottage or charming bed and breakfast would be ideal choices. Scout out the area ahead of time and choose a few things that the two of you would like to do in the area but just be sure to leave plenty of time for you to enjoy some alone time. Order a nice bottle of wine or some hot cappuccino and relax in front of the fire! Make this a romantic weekend where you can rekindle your love.
TO BE CONTINUED!
KEEP A DATE unto our next episode on 101 Healthy Keys to Build a Long & a Lasting Relationship! Dont forget to share this piece with a friend to bless them too. Subscribe your email now so you can follow up on our next insightful topics.
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